tag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:/blogs/the-muse-is-something-strangeSongwriting Scrapbook2023-11-18T16:17:00-05:00HazyShade Productionsfalsetag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/71521742023-02-10T20:22:47-05:002023-10-16T10:55:25-04:00An honorable mention for "Under His Eye"<p><span style="color:rgb(59,63,68);">I just turned (mumble mumble) years old on Tuesday. A surprise came in my email the next day: an honorable mention for a song I'd entered in the </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://saw.org/2022-results" target="_blank" data-link-type="url"><span style="color:rgb(59,63,68);">Mid-Atlantic Song Contest</span></a><span style="color:rgb(59,63,68);"> sometime last year. And it was NOT in the “folk” or “Americana” category…</span></p><p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/s:bzglfiles/u/391673/979a523e821496f9298f5adb1b440d1457d7b0c7/original/cert.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p><p><span style="color:rgb(59,63,68);">I've entered quite a few songs in quite a few contests over the years, and never gotten any traction, so this was a nice little boost. It also motivated me to create a lyrics video for the song.</span></p><div class="video-container size_xl justify_center" style=""><iframe data-video-type="youtube" data-video-id="z2jZqa58o9g" data-video-thumb-url="" type="text/html" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/z2jZqa58o9g?rel=0&wmode=transparent&enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></div><p>To read about the origins of the song and hear what it sounded like when it first emerged from my head, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/solo/blog/6175142/under-his-eye" data-link-type="url">click here</a>.</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/68749152022-01-20T11:32:41-05:002022-01-20T11:57:38-05:00What if you got a sign?<p>I might have seen God on a train. No, “seen” isn’t the right word. Touched? No, that’s not right either. I might have experienced God on a train. Or maybe it was just a dream. To this day, I am unsure. </p>
<p>Back in 2004, I was traveling overnight from Paris to Vienna, riding in a bunk-style sleeper car along with several strangers, all men. Oddly, I was much more worried about having my guitar or my passport stolen, than about other things a woman traveling alone and sharing a sleeper car with men might be worried about. To prevent my guitar being stolen, I positioned it next to the wall in my bunk, and lay down against it. Unsurprisingly, I didn't sleep well that night. I spent a lot of time in that in-between state, half awake, half asleep. The mind does strange things in such a state. And that’s when I either met God, or had the most amazing, revelatory dream. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it, before or since. The song “Sign” was born of that experience. </p>
<p>I recorded the song with my (now defunct) band, cycle of addiction. On the album, I included an "angels mix", with the lead vocals stripped away to highlight the choral-style vocals (all mine). I'm sharing both versions here.</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="325" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/playlists/1382579086%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-XIFMTKdTuBS&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<div style="font-size: 10px; color: #cccccc;line-break: anywhere;word-break: normal;overflow: hidden;white-space: nowrap;text-overflow: ellipsis; font-family: Interstate,Lucida Grande,Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Sans,Garuda,Verdana,Tahoma,sans-serif;font-weight: 100;">
<a href="https://soundcloud.com/hazyshadeproductions" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="HazyShade Productions">HazyShade Productions</a> · <a href="https://soundcloud.com/hazyshadeproductions/sets/sign/s-XIFMTKdTuBS" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="Sign">Sign</a>
</div>
<p>I also made a lo-fi solo recording of a piano version of the song in my living room, about 10 years ago. I don’t know why the audio is not properly synced with the video; it was all captured on the same device, but something happened when it got uploaded to YouTube. </p>
<p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1yd6mHCg6Us" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></p>
<p>I have a dream to one day record this song again, with a women’s choir backing it.</p>
<p><strong>Lyrics:</strong></p>
<p>What if you got a sign?<br>You’re lying in a sleeper car late at night<br>Bunks above and below<br>full of strange men making sleepy noises<br><br>In your sleep you hold your passport tight<br>and your guitar is between you and the wall<br>and the train rumbles onward through the night<br>and the conductor is patrolling the hall<br><br>And suddenly you’re aware of the light<br>It’s pouring straight out of your chest<br>Your heart is burning, aching, expanding,<br>and bursting with inexplicable joy<br><br>There is no voice<br>There are no words to explain<br>but the message is perfectly clear:<br><br>He is here, He is here<br>He is here, and He’s always been here<br><br>And all that was lost has been found<br>and all that was missing is here<br>And in this moment of revelation<br>everything is perfectly clear<br><br>In the morning you wonder<br>Was it a sign or was it a dream?<br>Was it really a sign or was it just a dream<br>Was it just a dream, or should you believe?</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/64751772020-11-11T15:34:49-05:002020-11-11T16:07:43-05:00Oh Canada<p>I've posted about every song in the upcoming "Letters from Gilead" album, except for this one. I'm not sure why it took me so long. I wrote this song and uploaded the rough take to SoundCloud over a year ago. But it seems apropos to post it now, since a week ago yesterday I was over at John's house watching the presidential election results coming in, filled with existential dread that our nation might not actually rid itself of the worst president I've seen in my lifetime. The thought of emigrating to Canada certainly crossed my mind. As the week progressed and the results were still too close to call, memes started floating around social media about "Emotional Support Canadians".</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/8822d5ece89254cbe404299ee9e2617194c41584/original/emocanadians.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />On Saturday, the election was finally called for Biden. This was cause for elation and relief among those of us who value honesty, integrity, intelligence, competence, and common decency in a leader. In my neighborhood, it sounded like this when we heard the news:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; picture-in-picture; web-share" allowfullscreen="true" frameborder="0" height="591" scrolling="no" src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?height=476&href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fkirsten.hazler%2Fvideos%2F10158656270784780%2F&show_text=true&width=267" style="border:none;overflow:hidden" width="267"></iframe></p>
<p>But honestly, are we really out of the woods yet? Trump is refusing to concede, and Secretary of State Pompeo has promised a "smooth transition to a second Trump administration". There are already whispers about the possibility of Trump running again in 2024. The fact is, over 72 MILLION Americans voted to reelect Trump. And a large portion of them are probably convinced that the election was "stolen" from him. Not a rosy state of affairs.</p>
<p>Anyway, back to the song. "Oh Canada" was inspired by a scene in Episode 11, Season 2 of "The Handmaid's Tale". June has a chance to escape, and as she sits in the getaway car, still in the garage, she tunes in to a Canadian radio station that offers hope for a new life across the border.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/119bb65ffdd02aa21ed0ed2bdabf49137b634357/original/getaway.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />Outside the garage, the world is covered in snow.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/3f52aeead1ed824031f30da4ba42ae4392391d52/original/snow.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />I started writing the song from June's perspective, based on this scene, but it was also influenced by other episodes that follow Moira's and Luke's lives after their escapes to Canada. I wrote them into the song, too. Each character has their own independent lines. The chordal structure of the song is exceptionally simple, consisting only of variations of the chords C and F. This gives the voices the freedom to weave in and out of each other, sort of like a round, except the parts are all different. Luke's part, which John will be singing, is actually too low for me; it goes down to a low C, which I can't normally hit. The only way I was able to record it for this rough take was to record immediately after I woke up, using my morning croak to full advantage.</p>
<p>After I finished putting the various parts of the song together, I realized that it reminded me of a song by The Decemberists, called "<a contents="Sons and Daughters" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/1MsDPtPCpZ4" target="_blank">Sons and Daughters</a>." And the lyrics fit the theme, too. So then I tried singing that song against what I'd already recorded, and it worked. I imagined that their song could have been playing on the radio as June listened, so I added two verses of it into mine. I'm not sure what the rules are about quoting a song within a song. I'm hoping this counts as "fair use", and that Colin Meloy doesn't mind.</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/591013791&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<h4>RADIO DJ (spoken):</h4>
<p>Broadcasting from somewhere in the Great White North... Now a tune to remind everyone who's listening, American patriot or Gilead traitor, we are still here. Stars and Stripes forever, baby!</p>
<p> </p>
<h4>JUNE:</h4>
<p>Oh Canada, I heard your voice on the radio<br>Saying you're still there with open arms<br>Oh Canada, I'm on my way</p>
<p>Over the border and through the woods<br>Your voice gave me solace and a little hope<br>Oh Canada, I'm on my way</p>
<p>Oh Canada, your voice on the car radio<br>The world outside was covered in snow<br>I had a getaway car but I couldn't go<br>Oh Canada, I could not go</p>
<p>Oh Canada, your voice stuck in my head<br>I'll either make it there or I'll end up dead<br>I had to postpone freedom for another day<br>But oh Canada, I'm on my way</p>
<p> </p>
<h4>MOIRA:</h4>
<p>Oh Canada, you can't imagine what I've seen<br>You can't imagine what they've done to me<br>Oh Canada, please take me in</p>
<p>Oh Canada, are you the land of milk and honey?<br>Where I can read a book and spend my own money?<br>Oh Canada, you took me in</p>
<p>Oh Canada, a bowl of cereal can make me cry<br>Blessed be the Froot Loops, under his eye<br>No use asking the reasons why<br>I'm still alive and she had to die<br>I made it to the land of Canaan<br>Oh Canada, can I begin again?</p>
<p> </p>
<h4>LUKE:</h4>
<p>Oh Canada, a man can break or a man can bend<br>Oh Canada, you took me in<br>Oh Canada, a man can break or a man can bend <br>Oh Canada, can you help me mend?<br>Oh Canada, a man can break or a man can bend <br>Oh Canada, I'm a broken man</p>
<p>Oh Canada, you've done so much but it's not enough<br>Diplomacy can only go so far<br>It's time to raise an army, start a righteous war<br>For my wife and child and so many more<br>So many more, so many more<br>They're trapped on the other side<br>Oh Canada, it's a genocide<br>Oh Canada, it's time to rise</p>
<p> </p>
<h4>SONG ON RADIO (lyrics/melody from "Sons and Daughters" by Colin Meloy/The Decemberists): </h4>
<p>When we arrive, sons and daughters <br>We'll make our homes on the water <br>We'll build our walls of aluminum <br>We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now </p>
<p>Take up your arms, sons and daughters <br>We will arise from the bunkers <br>By land by sea by dirigible <br>We'll leave our tracks untraceable now</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/63200742020-05-17T15:43:49-04:002020-05-17T16:01:43-04:00Letters from Gilead - title track <p>Finally. Finally! I finished the 10th song, the last song, the title track for the upcoming album, "Letters from Gilead." In the Hulu adaptation of "The Handmaid's Tale", the Mayday resistance movement collected letters from women suffering under Gilead's oppressive regime. The idea was to smuggle a bunch of letters across the border so that the people outside Gilead would finally understand how bad things were, and hopefully the foreign governments would step in to liberate them.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/31387b64650d6e29140f437530a9bde35a714ae2/original/letters.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>The phrase "If I write a letter, if I send a letter, would it ever make it through to you", and its accompanying melody, had been kicking around in my head for a few days, I guess. Maybe longer. Days kinda blend together when you're home all the time due to the Coronavirus pandemic. </p>
<p>Yesterday, over breakfast on the front porch, I started writing lyrics to a first verse. I had been intending to go paddling since it was such a beautiful day, but the Muse was stirring and I couldn't deny her pull. Before long I had worked out the full lyrics and melody, and decided to record a rough draft. And then I entered the time warp, and emerged maybe four or five hours later with 6 tracks (guitar plus 5 vocals) on my multi-track recorder, mixed down to a master that I was really happy with. So happy!!</p>
<p>I took the SD card out of the recorder, and put it in the slot in my laptop computer so I could upload to SoundCloud. The files were gone. Hours of work, gone. Just gone. The other files from other recordings I've done in the past were still there, but that last project, gone. I put the SD card back in the recorder, and got the message "Data Error." Noooooooo!!</p>
<p>I posted about my mishap on Facebook, and very soon a friend recommended that I try the software "<a contents="EaseUS" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.easeus.com/data-recovery/sd-card-data-recovery-software.html" target="_blank">EaseUS</a>" for file recovery. And it worked!! So here it is.</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/822484156&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>This is a letter to you <br>although I don't know who I'm writing to <br>And if it ever gets through <br>I don't know if there's anything that you could do <br><br>But there's things that you need to know. <br>So many here have given up on hope <br>I try to take it day by day <br>but I can feel my soul slipping away </p>
<p>So I'm writing you a letter, hoping that this letter <br>will somehow make it through to you <br><br>And if you find this letter and if you read this letter, <br>will it make any difference to you? <br>If it makes it through... </p>
<p>If you could see it all with your own eyes <br>I'm pretty sure that you would be surprised <br>I don't know what you see on the news <br>but no doubt they sanitize the views </p>
<p>There's only so much we can say. <br>They won't hesitate to cut away our tongues <br>And if we disobey <br>you can't conceive of the terrible price we pay </p>
<p>So if I write a letter, if I send this letter <br>will it somehow make it through to you? </p>
<p>And if you find this letter and if you read this letter <br>will it make any difference to you? <br>Will it make it through? </p>
<p>Mayday is on the move. <br>A stack of letters could finally prove <br>that the rumours you've heard are true. <br>We need your help and we're begging you </p>
<p>We're crying, "Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! <br>M'aidez! M'aidez!" </p>
<p>We're crying, "Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! <br>M'aidez! M'aidez!" </p>
<p>We're writing these letters, hoping that these letters <br>will somehow make it through to you </p>
<p>And if you see these letters, if you read these letters <br>it has to make a difference to you </p>
<p>We're writing these letters, hoping that these letters <br>will somehow make it through to you </p>
<p>And if you see all these letters, if you read all these letters <br>it has to make a difference to you <br>It has to make it through… </p>
<p>Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! <br>M'aidez! M'aidez!</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/62091452020-02-08T22:49:25-05:002020-02-08T22:57:09-05:00Hannah<p>The end of episode 10 in season 2 of "The Handmaid's Tale" had me bawling my eyes out. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen on TV. Its impact was especially forceful because of the things that have been going on in real life, in my own country. Children torn from parents, stranded in unfamiliar places under abysmal conditions, wondering why they had been abandoned. Parents torn from children, not knowing where their babies were being kept, not knowing if they would ever see them again and if they did, <a contents="if their child would remember them, or forgive them" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.insider.com/family-reunification-heartbreaking-video-2018-8" target="_blank">if their child would remember them, or forgive them</a>. This episode hit way too close to home.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/45e1cb209a40eb73b9e6648d65394387f7c5113f/original/hannah1.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/89f2a47feda975db31eae17601370b6d712037b4/original/hannah2.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />After watching that episode, I sat down at the piano and something like a lullaby, without words, spilled out. It took months for me to add any substantial lyrics, and it took months more of whittling them down and moving them around to get to where they are today. I made this rough recording at my house a few days ago. When I get this into the studio, I want to add a plaintive violin and/or cello.</p>
<h3><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/757468567&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></h3>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>Hannah, my sweet Hannah baby<br>Please don't, don't turn away<br>We have so little time here in this place<br>Please turn around, let me see your face<br>My baby...<br><br>Hannah, my Hannah Banana<br>Do you remember, do you remember me?<br>Do you remember your dad and the things that he said?<br>The stories we told? Being tucked into bed?<br>My baby, our baby you'll always be<br><br>Hannah, my Hannah Banana<br>Baby, are they good to you?<br>Do you laugh, do you play, do you splash in the rain?<br>Do you sing silly songs? Do they know the refrain?<br>Do they tell you that they love you?<br><br>Hannah, my sweet little Hannah<br>Baby, look me in the eye<br>Keep my love and the truth close to your heart<br>But keep yourself safe by playing the part<br>Oh baby, I'm telling you to lie<br><br>Hannah, my Hannah Banana<br>Please believe me, I really tried<br>There's so much love and there's so much pain<br>And these minutes are ticking away<br>to maybe our last goodbye<br><br>Maybe our last goodbye</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/62038102020-02-04T21:25:45-05:002020-09-03T10:02:15-04:00Guilty<p>He's guilty. So obviously guilty.<br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/0ba18b99ef894b1d8e9cbc48574821f93007b47a/original/siers020220.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>When I wrote my song "Guilty," several years ago, it had nothing whatsoever to do with what's going on today. </p>
<p><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rjbDiPAoC-o?start=21" width="560"></iframe></p>
<p>Tonight, just before the Orange Thing in the White House started its State of the Union address (which I refuse to listen to), I felt compelled to write new lyrics. The original lyrics are sung in the first person, reflecting inward, from the perspective of a person with a conscience who feels guilty about past mistakes. But in the new version of the song, the subject has no conscience and feels no guilt, so it is sung from the perspective of those of us who are appalled by his behavior and by the behavior of his enablers. I'm not making any attempt at subtlety here.</p>
<p>I haven't tried singing these new lyrics to the melody yet, but here they are. Yes, I am planning to sing this live. Yes, there will be people in the audience with a completely different view than mine, and if they are paying attention to the words I expect some will be offended. I don't give a shit. Some things need to be said. </p>
<p><span class="font_small"><em>Update 2-Sept-2020: I revamped the new lyrics a little to better fit the original cadence of the song. I also replaced the studio version of the original song (on BandCamp) with a live video version. It still has the old lyrics though.</em></span></p>
<h3>Alternate Lyrics:</h3>
<p>Well he’s guilty, so guilty<br>He’s guilty as sin. We don’t know where he’s been<br>but he’s guilty<br><br>Judge and jury in my head<br>they reached a verdict and they said<br>that he’d be better, better off dead</p>
<p>Because he’s guilty, oh he's so guilty <br>He is guilty as sin. He won't say where he’s been <br>but he’s guilty<br><br>Too many people follow him<br>and somehow justify<br>the long list of deplorable things that he’s done,<br>the twisted truths and the countless flagrant lies<br><br>The man is guilty, so obviously guilty<br>He is guilty as sin. We don’t know where he’s been<br>but he’s guilty</p>
<p>[instrumental - aaaah]</p>
<p>The man is guilty, so obviously guilty <br>He is guilty as sin. We don’t know where he’s been <br>but he’s guilty</p>
<p>Shame on the spineless senators who simply let him go<br>and Fox News for the positive spin<br>Can't you see how deep the evil goes<br>and how it festers under his skin?<br><br>There’s blood on his hands but<br>no noose around his neck<br>They never make him answer for his sins so<br>We the People need to keep this man in check</p>
<p>VOTE!<br><br>Because he’s guilty, oh he's so guilty<br>He is guilty as sin, he won’t say where he’s been<br>Guilty as sin, we don’t know where he’s been<br>But he’s guilty</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/96fcff36ffc1fc7ff6c4a73f13fb8e2cbcd1e7d9/original/vote.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/61751422020-01-26T20:12:17-05:002020-01-26T21:17:32-05:00Under His Eye<p>This is a song that was a very long time, and a very short time in the making. For the longest time - maybe a year? - the only lyrics were the line "I'm laying low, I'm laying low, I'm laying oh so low."</p><!-- more -->
<p>The first melody was there in my head, quite insistent, and I'd often play the guitar part and hum the tune, but the words simply wouldn't come. I thought this song was going to be about myself and my desire, as an introvert, to generally stay out of the spotlight and not reveal too much about myself except to the people I trust the most.</p>
<p>But then one night early last year, after watching the final scene in Episode 6, Season 2 of "The Handmaid's Tale", the lyrics suddenly started gushing out.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/ecf245f4be6b3168e0f2bc49c2a0c27bda5ef6e1/original/ofglen-window2.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/32bd39d75bca25b0b7a8631ef13778e012f5aeae/original/bomb2.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/77c7798a02066af223a4908d473026b65e628f4b/original/run2.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />The song was not about me, after all. It was about Ofglen #2 and her ultimate act of resistance.</p>
<p>I finished writing the song in a very short time after that, and I made this rough solo recording as quickly as I could:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/568743870&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe>I envision this song being fleshed out with both male and female backing vocals, drums, electric bass, and perhaps electric guitar.</p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>I'm laying low, I'm laying low, I'm laying oh so low <br>I'm laying low, I'm laying low, I'm laying oh so low </p>
<p>Soon it will be my dying day <br>The time will come for them to pay <br>For all their crimes against humanity <br>I've got nothing to lose and I'm not afraid <br>But I'm biding my time until the moment is right, I'm laying low <br>I'm laying low, I'm laying low, I'm laying oh so low </p>
<p>Under his eye I pretend to pray <br>No one could doubt my piety <br>I lower my head and I obey <br>No one suspects that I could ever betray <br>Because I'm laying low, I'm laying low, I'm laying oh so low <br>I'm just biding my time until the moment is right, yeah I'm laying low <br>I'm laying low </p>
<p>I'm sorry sisters but there's no other way <br>Collateral damage is a price we pay <br>We need to burn it all down to build a better day <br>We've got nothing to lose, we are the martyr maids <br>No more laying low, no laying low, no more laying low <br>No more laying low, no laying low, no more laying low <br>No more laying low </p>
<p>This is my dying day <br>I will not cower, I will not obey <br>I will not run and I won't look away <br>I've got nothing to lose and I'm not afraid (under his eye) </p>
<p>This is your dying day (under his eye) <br>The time has come for you to pay (under his eye) <br>For all your crimes against humanity <br>I've got a bomb up my sleeve and I'm not afraid (I'll lay you low) </p>
<p>I'll lay you low (I'll lay you low) <br>I'll lay you oh so low (I'll lay you low) <br>I'll lay you six feet low <br>I'm going down and you're going down with me</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/61661942020-01-24T11:48:25-05:002020-01-24T12:04:42-05:00Sliver of Joy<p><em>"...I would go along the hall and down the Marthas' stairs at the back and through the kitchen... I would hurry across the few feet of illuminated lawn... </em></p>
<p><em>I want to see what can be seen, of him, take him in, memorize him, save him up so I can live on the image, later: the lines of his body, the texture of his flesh, the glisten of sweat on his pelt, his long sardonic unrevealing face. I ought to have done that with Luke, paid more attention, to the details, the moles and scars, the singular creases; I didn't and he's fading. Day by day, night by night he recedes, and I become more faithless..." </em></p>
<p>- Excerpts from "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood </p>
<p>In the MGM/Hulu adaptation of the novel, Nick's character and his relationship with June is fleshed out much more as the series progresses.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/df2e59ee830299149234a6a1897a1e9f156d9761/original/handmaid-nickandjune.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Here's a rough solo cut of a song inspired by June's relationship with Nick:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/577386198&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<p>When we perform this live, Dacey adds beautiful harmony/backing vocals starting on the third verse. When we go to record this in the studio, I'm envisioning mandolin to fill in the spaces between the vocal parts.</p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>I tiptoe down the hallway <br>Pussyfoot down the stairs <br>I sneak across the backyard <br>Hoping no one's there to see me <br>On my way to take my sliver of joy <br>On my way to take my sliver of joy <br>My sliver of joy </p>
<p>The Commander's home is a nightmare <br>The Commander's wife is a shrew <br>But the end of the day holds a sweetness <br>If I can make it up your room to see you <br>You, my sliver of joy <br>You, my sliver of joy <br>My sliver of joy </p>
<p>I don't know if it's true love <br>Or just a way to pass the the time <br>But here I am risking everything <br>For a few hours of sublime and beautiful you <br>You, you my sliver of joy <br>You, my sliver of joy <br>My sliver of joy </p>
<p>I don't know if it's true love <br>Or just some kind of escape <br>But if they ever took you away <br>My heart would surely break to lose you <br>You, you my sliver of joy <br>You, my sliver of joy </p>
<p>I found out yesterday <br>The man of mine that they took away <br>Is still alive, and he's working from the other side to find me <br>And if I ever see him again I will belong to him <br>But here and now, despite my vow it's you <br>'Cause you are my only sliver of joy <br>You are my only sliver of joy </p>
<p>So I tiptoe down the hallway <br>I pussyfoot down the stairs <br>I sneak across the backyard <br>Hoping no one's there to see me <br>On my way to take my sliver of joy <br>On my way to take my sliver of joy <br>'Cause you, you're my sliver of joy <br>You're my sliver of joy.</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/61231752020-01-17T11:19:22-05:002020-01-17T11:21:13-05:00Jezebel's<p><em>"'That one there, the one in green, she's a sociologist. Or was. That one was a lawyer, that one was in business, an executive position; some sort of fast-food chain or maybe it was hotels. I'm told you can have quite a good conversation with her if all you feel like is talking. They prefer it here, too.' </em></p><!-- more -->
<p><em>'Prefer it to what?' I say. </em></p>
<p><em>'To the alternatives,' he says." </em></p>
<p>- Excerpt from "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood</p>
<p>The images below are from episode 8, season 1 of the MGM/Hulu adaptation of the novel.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/d43ed0d7b221eb699cb596046142b6ccdcde0a5d/original/cheeks.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/bb74f920fc4b7e083b9e6bec537ab86956ca7e50/original/firstglimpse.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/ff7bb258c0d4187d476a3ad1bf251d272eb5d1e5/original/moira.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" />In this song, I imagine Moira telling June what it's like at Jezebel's.</p>
<p>Here's a rough cut, so rough you can hear my dying piano pedal clacking away. We play this regularly in our live performances, and Dacey's bass and vocals add so much. I can't wait for you to hear it when it's recorded properly with the additional parts!</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/575757369&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<p>This song is notable for being the first one I ever composed on piano. In the past I've always composed on guitar, and I started on guitar with this one but quickly realized it required piano to get the right feel. And since writing this one, I've written several more on piano, like "<a contents="Feels So Good to Fly" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/feels-so-good-to-fly" target="_blank">Feels So Good to Fly</a>" and "<a contents="Closet Scrawl" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/closet-scrawl-nolite-te-bastardes-carborundorum" target="_blank">Closet Scrawl</a>". It really opened up a new door for me.</p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>There's a lawyer and an architect <br>A banker and a teacher <br>A painter and a riveter <br>A scientist and a preacher <br>We come from every walk of life <br>We had our own ambitions<br>But now we have to shed our pride <br>Along with any inhibitions</p>
<p>At Jezebel's <br>We cater to their every whim <br>At Jezebels (at Jezebel's) <br>We've tasted every flavor of sin <br>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) at Jezebel's <br>Life ain't easy in this speakeasy </p>
<p>Still it's better than a handmaid <br>Always talking about the weather <br>There's plenty of liquor at the bar <br>To make the creeps look better <br>There's plenty of fancy dresses to wear <br>and plenty of pills to swallow <br>Plenty of ways to help you pretend <br>That your life's not completely hollow </p>
<p>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) <br>you cater to their every whim <br>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) <br>We've tasted every flavor of sin <br>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) at Jezebel's <br>We're keeping it sleazy in this speakeasy </p>
<p>Sometimes when the guy's not so hard on the eyes <br>You can pretend that you had a choice (here at Jezebel's) <br>And if he gives you a ring or asks you to sing <br>You can pretend that you have a voice (here at Jezebel's) <br>But don't think too much 'cause it'll fuck you up <br>You're never getting out alive (you're stuck at Jezebel's) <br>So pop all the pills and drink all you can take <br>'Cause it's the only escape, it's the only escape </p>
<p>When you're a Jezebel at Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) <br>You cater to their every whim <br>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's) <br>You cater to their every whim <br>At Jezebel's (at Jezebel's), at Jezebel's <br>You're keeping it sleazy (in this speakeasy) <br>You're keeping it sleazy (in this speakeasy) <br>You're keeping it sleazy in this speakeasy</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60974762020-01-13T21:52:09-05:002020-01-14T10:23:21-05:00Closet Scrawl (Nolite te bastardes carborundorum)<p>"<em>Here I am in the closet. </em>Nolite te bastardes carborundorum<em>. I can't see it in the dark but I trace the tiny scratched writing with the ends of my fingers, as if it's a code in Braille. It sounds in my head now less like a prayer, more like a command; but to do what? Useless to me in any case, an ancient hieroglyph to which the key's been lost. Why did she write it, why did she bother? There's no way out of here.</em>" <br>- Excerpt from "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood</p>
<p>The screenshots below are from episode 4, season 1 of the Hulu series, which, along with the book passage, inspired the song.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/afe7c88a3b423a6985e93b731bf502d6a2269a31/original/closet.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/bc8c0b1a228e3934f98d605f43890e8f87350519/original/nolite.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/446dceca057b6d9df24bd5aeb31004ff51844ba5/original/message.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Here's a rough cut of the song:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/743107882&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<p>The thematic material for this whole song series is dark, of course. I don't expect anyone is going to turn on the car radio and hear one of these songs on Mix 98.1 FM. But this song is the darkest yet, with the ominous repetitive piano part and the whole ceiling fan bit in the lyrics. Dacey told me we should not play it if there are children around. Truth. It probably wouldn't go over too well most places we play.</p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>I was lying on the closet floor <br>With my face toward the wall <br>Contemplating how to end it <br>When I noticed the scrawl <br>Someone had been here before </p>
<p>Someone had gotten a knife <br>And etched letters in the wall <br>I traced them with my fingers <br>But I didn't understand at all <br>It said "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum." </p>
<p>It said "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum." </p>
<p>It seemed like a message from the other side <br>It seemed like a sign that I should stay alive <br>It made me want to live for another day <br>If only to find out what she was trying to say <br>When she said, "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum." </p>
<p>"Nolite te bastardes carborundorum."</p>
<p>Later I found out <br>What the message said <br>And I also found out <br>That they found her dead <br>They found her hanging from a ceiling fan </p>
<p>She couldn't take it any more <br>Not one more single day <br>But before she left <br>She had one last thing to say:<br>"Don't let the bastards grind you down." </p>
<p>"Don't let the bastards grind you down!" </p>
<p>It seemed like a message from the other side <br>It seemed like a sign that I should stay alive <br>It made me want to live for another day <br>If only to live out what she was trying to say </p>
<p>She left me a message from the other side <br>Saying, "Hang on girl you gotta stay alive <br>You've still got a lot of living to do <br>Don't let what happened to me, happen to you, no </p>
<p>Don't let the bastards grind you down!<br>Don't let the bastards grind you down!<br>Don't let the bastards grind you down!<br>Don't let those bastards grind you down."</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60936782020-01-12T23:21:09-05:002020-01-13T00:02:32-05:00Feels So Good to Fly<p>I thought I might post my songs in the "<a contents="Letters from Gilead" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/letters-from-gilead-how-it-all-started" target="_blank">Letters from Gilead</a>" series in the order they were written, but I'm scrapping that idea right now. Tonight, I feel like sharing my newest song, "Feels So Good to Fly". I sent the original lyrics to Dacey on January 4, but he didn't actually get to hear the song until today, when I played it for him in my living room this afternoon. And then I recorded it this evening, so he'd have something to work with to learn his parts. At this point, on this song his parts are up to him; I don't really have any preconceived notion of what he should play or sing. (This is definitely not always the case! Sometimes I have very specific parts in mind.)</p>
<p>This is one of those songs where I had only a simple line and one melodic phrase in my head, for quite awhile. It wasn't rattling around, begging to be written; it was just sort of there, waiting patiently for its time. But on Saturday morning, Jan. 4, the Muse became insistent about this song. I had a lot of household chores I had planned to get done, and I almost blew her off, but I'm so glad I didn't. I sat down at the piano in my pajamas, and within a few minutes, had some chords jotted down on the closest paper I could find, which happened to be the envelope of a Christmas card I had received.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/6d96f0cf0b7d94e04487f65e621ceb130ee5e36c/original/envelope.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" />I worked on the song for a few hours and then it was pretty much done. There have been only a couple of little tweaks since then; it's mostly been a matter of practicing it enough to make it sound like I hear it in my head.</p>
<p>This song is sung from Janine's perspective. It is inspired by a heart-breaking scene toward the end of episode 9 in season 1 of "The Handmaid's Tale". The images below are screenshots from that scene.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/52f79f1afc089dabfcf07d1cb374e20d28aad338/original/bridge.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/7bf141c1600e0d42f17e9f33ddbfcbe1113bda15/original/ledge2.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/b74983b64165d26ce2ab37f665c4135d52777916/original/janine2.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" />And here's a rough cut of the song:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/742577530&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>It would feel so good to fly... <br>I stand on the ledge looking over the edge <br>At the rocks and the waves below <br>That would destroy my body but liberate my soul </p>
<p>The baby in my arms sleeps quietly, breathes peacefully <br>The baby in my arms, she could fly with me <br>She would never have to know.</p>
<p>I could set her free...</p>
<p>No more twisted world, no more twisted desires <br>No more servitude, no more hypocrites and liars <br>There's got to be something better, beyond this great big sky <br>We can get there if I'm brave, if I take this leap and fly <br>If I fly, if I fly </p>
<p>And the baby in my arms, she sleeps quietly, breathes peacefully <br>The baby in my arms, she could fly with me <br>She would never have to know.</p>
<p>It would feel so good to fly <br>I stand on the ledge, toes over the edge [x 3]</p>
<p>And now I look back to say goodbye <br>I hear the panicked voices, reconsider my choices </p>
<p>'Cause the baby in my arms sleeps quietly, breathes peacefully <br>The baby in my arms, maybe she could have a better life than mine... <br>So I step off the ledge, away from the edge <br>And June takes my baby from my arms </p>
<p>And now my arms are spread like wings <br>The wind on my face swirls and sings <br>The rocks and the waves below <br>Are beckoning and I'm ready to go <br>Ready to go</p>
<p>It would feel so good to fly <br>I stand on the ledge, toes over the edge [x 3]</p>
<p>The air is sky, the sky is blue <br>I'm over the edge and now I know it's true <br>It feels so good to fly <br>It feels so good to fly <br>It feels so good, it feels so good, it feels so good to fly</p>
<p>It feels so good to fly</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60875692020-01-11T17:24:28-05:002020-01-11T17:28:11-05:00Letters from Gilead - How it all started<p>It was a little under a year ago that I decided I was going to compose an entire album based on "The Handmaid's Tale." </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/cfb4969f6d68eada7bc95052d849f28823dad22b/original/mgm-az-06849h-thehandmaidstale-us-s2-full-image-gallerycover-en-us-1535145522019-ur1920-1080-ri-ux667-uy375.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />I had binge-watched seasons 1 and 2 of the <a contents="Hulu series" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5834204/" target="_blank">Hulu series</a>, and reread the <a contents="Book" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38447.The_Handmaid_s_Tale" target="_blank">book</a> by Margaret Atwood that I had first read back in the '80s or '90s. I had written and made a rough recording of "<a contents="My Name is June " data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/my-name-is-june" target="_blank">My Name is June </a>", and "<a contents="Blue" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/blue" target="_blank">Blue</a>" was on the cusp of materializing. I felt an immense creative energy welling up inside me, comparable to a songwriting surge I'd had back around 2004, which had resulted in my first full-length album, "<a contents="Recovery" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://store.cdbaby.com/cd/cycleofaddiction" target="_blank">Recovery</a>". </p>
<p>There were so many songs to be written, I simply knew it. Only this time, the songs wouldn't be about me and the people touching my life. This time, I would step outside myself and step into the world of "The Handmaid's Tale". It was exhilarating. On my tablet, I jotted down a bunch of song titles, based on scenes that impacted me the most. I saved each title as a separate file, ready to be filled in with lyrics as the Muse saw fit. The files are stored as a collection called "Letters from Gilead," because I already knew that would be the title of the album. </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/229e3d4b25b90f93e2445bc78c65823584c6ee02/original/screenshot-20200111-160617-samsung-notes.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />For awhile I was on course to finish twelve songs in twelve months, but in the fall I didn't give the Muse enough attention. No worries; she doesn't hold grudges. I just wrote a new song this month, so I'm up to nine. I'm not sure if there will be twelve songs on the album; I might stop at ten or eleven. I'll see how I feel. All I know for sure is that there needs to be a title track. And I intend to record the full album this year. </p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60766562020-01-09T20:45:00-05:002020-01-09T20:54:55-05:00Blue<p>In the middle of last January, Dacey and I took advantage of a long weekend to escape to Douthat State Park.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/33da9ea2fb02ca9fd30d76ea760e131d336e2a88/original/douthat.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />I had recently finished writing "<a contents="My Name is June" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hazyshadeproductions.com/songwriting/blog/my-name-is-june" target="_blank">My Name is June</a>", and was feeling the momentum of a new songwriting spree. "Blue", my second song in the "Letters from Gilead" series, was born while I was noodling on the guitar in our cabin. Dacey started adding harmonies even before I had finished writing all the lyrics. We made a rough recording of it back home, a week or two later:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/598140888&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe>This song was inspired by the opening scene in episode 2 of season 1 of "The Handmaid's Tale". The slowly spinning camera is focused on the blue ceiling and a chandelier, with June's voice-over saying: <em>"Blue. I let it take me. Blue moon. Rhapsody in Blue. Tangled Up In Blue. Blue Oyster Cult. Blue Monday..."</em></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/1d45a2b3749549025dd88a38e7a9797dd5f83ae3/original/blue.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>Blue, blue <br>I focus on the blue <br>I float far away <br>To survive another day <br>I focus on the blue </p>
<p>Blue like a summer sky <br>Blue like the wings of a damselfly <br>Stray cornflower in a field of rye <br>And blue like the sea </p>
<p>I keep my eyes focused on the ceiling <br>Go blue to avoid all feeling <br>I fly to another place <br>To get through the ceremony <br>This monthly rite of matrimony <br>And if we pray and if we believe <br>I will conceive and I'll have a baby </p>
<p>So for me it's blue <br>I focus on the blue <br>I float far away <br>To survive another day <br>I focus on the blue </p>
<p>Blue violets in spring <br>The box that held my wedding ring <br>Indigo of a bunting's wing <br>and blue like the sea </p>
<p>I keep my eyes focused on the ceiling <br>Go blue to avoid all feeling <br>I fly to another place <br>To get through the ceremony <br>This monthly rite of matrimony <br>And if we pray and if we believe <br>I will conceive and they'll take my baby </p>
<p>So for me it's blue <br>I focus on the blue <br>I float far away <br>To survive another day <br>I focus on the blue </p>
<p>Sunlight through blue bottle glass <br>Forget-me-nots and blue-eyed grass <br>The patterned hem of my daughter's dress <br>And blue like the sea </p>
<p>I keep my eyes focused on the ceiling <br>Go blue to avoid all feeling <br>I fly to a better place <br>To get through the rape and plunder <br>That tears my body and my soul asunder <br>And if I pray and if I believe <br>I'll be redeemed and Blue will save me </p>
<p>So for me it's blue <br>Wild innocent blue <br>I drown in blue <br>Blue like the sea</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60722552020-01-08T22:54:02-05:002020-01-15T20:12:30-05:00My Name is June<p>It took me awhile to get around to watching the MGM/Hulu adaptation of "The Handmaid's Tale". I had read the book by Margaret Atwood many years ago, and it had a powerful impact on me. I didn't want to watch the series because (a) I'm cheap and didn't want to have to buy it and (b) I didn't want it to ruin the book for me. But after reading so many positive reviews, I decided to give it a try. I sat down one night last January, pulled it up in my Amazon account, paid the $25 or whatever it was to buy season 1, and started watching. And I was immediately hooked.</p>
<p>The series is amazing. Respectful to the original story, but fleshing out the characters and their side stories in a truly compelling way. I binge-watched seasons 1 and 2 over about a week or two, I think. The song "My Name is June" poured out of me one night. It is the first in my "Letters from Gilead" series. Here is one of the very earliest recordings I made:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/580332939&color=%23561b1b&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<h3>Lyrics:</h3>
<p>I am a mother and a daughter, a lover and a friend <br>The world that I once knew is gone, impossible to comprehend <br>Once I had a gentle man and he loved me to the moon <br>They call me by another name <br>But still, my name is June. </p>
<p>Now I keep my head down, I don't look them in the eye <br>Every dress I own is red and the driver is a spy <br>Once I had a mother, a fighter through and through <br>They call me by another name <br>But the name she gave to me is June. It's June. <br>All I have left is my name. </p>
<p>How can you do this? How can you let this be? <br>How can you do this? You're a woman just like me. <br>My name is June. And all I have left is my name. </p>
<p>You asked me if I'm happy. I told you what they made me say. <br>The truth is: Death is preferable to what I'm living through today <br>Once I had a little girl that I carried in my womb <br>They call me by another name <br>But now you know my name is June. It's June. <br>And all I have left is my name. </p>
<p>How can you do this? How can you let this be? <br>I'm a woman, I am human, I'm not a commodity. <br>How can you do this? How can you let this be? <br>How can you do this? You're a woman just like me... </p>
<p>...a mother and a daughter, a lover and a friend <br>The world I knew is upside down, impossible to comprehend <br>My daughter is out there somewhere and I pray to see her soon <br>She's the only reason I stay alive. </p>
<p>How can you do this? How can you let this be? <br>I am a woman I am not a commodity <br>How can you do this? How can you let this be? <br>How can you do this? You're a woman just like me </p>
<p>My name is June. <br>And all I have left is my name.</p>
<hr><h3><span class="font_large"><span style="color:#c0392b;"><strong>SPOILER ALERT</strong></span></span></h3>
<p><span class="font_large"><span style="color:#c0392b;"><strong>If you haven't finished the book and/or the series, you may want to wait to read contents below.</strong></span></span></p>
<hr><h3>Liner Notes:</h3>
<p><span class="font_large"><em>"My name isn't Offred, I have another name, which nobody uses now because it's forbidden. I tell myself it doesn't matter, your name is like your telephone number, useful only to others; but what I tell myself is wrong, it does matter. I keep the knowledge of this name like something hidden, some treasure I'll come back to dig up, one day... I lie in my single bed at night, with my eyes closed, and the name floats there behind my eyes, not quite within reach, shining in the dark." </em></span></p>
<p><em>- Excerpt from "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood </em></p>
<p>In the novel, the reader never finds out what the protagonist's original name was. In 2017, Margaret Atwood wrote a new introduction to her book. In it, she said, <em>"Some have deduced that Offred's real name is June, since, of all the names whispered among the Handmaids in the gymnasium/dormitory, June is the only one that never appears again. That was not my original thought, but it fits, so readers are welcome to it if they wish." </em></p>
<p>In the MGM/Hulu adaptation of the novel, June declares her name at the end of the very first episode. Speaking only to herself, in her head, in her room, she says, <em>"Here, someone is always watching. Nothing can change. It all has to look the same. Because I intend to survive for her. Her name is Hannah. My husband was Luke. My name... is June."</em></p>
<p><em><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/d3726ea8b11315c257438ba32af888fa593ebf0b/original/june2.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></em></p>
<p>And then there's a gut-punch of a scene in the beginning of season 2, episode 4. Aunt Lydia calls her by her Gilead name, Offred, but June, although chained to a bed and powerless, isn't having it. <em>"It's June," </em>she declares defiantly.<em> "You know my fucking name."</em></p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/90f32cbec3783c9b15a4ecf5f627018bdbec1b81/original/myfuckingname.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />They've taken absolutely everything from her: husband, child, independence, dignity. All she has left is her name. And actually, they've taken that too. But by declaring it, whether out loud to Aunt Lydia or silently to herself, she holds on to her identity, proving herself to be a survivor who will never be completely defeated.</p>
<p>Additional inspiration for this song comes from season 1, episode 6. There's a scene in which the Mexican Ambassador, a woman, asks June if she's happy. But in the presence of the Commander, she can't tell the truth. Later, the Ambassador catches her alone, and June tells her about the many horrors she has endured. Although visibly shaken and saddened by June's story, the Ambassador says she can't help her. It is clear that she will proceed with her plan to trade Mexican chocolate for Gileadean handmaids.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/b09708498a31ad6d228ec38baa7a79dde6cbd003/original/plea.png" class="size_orig justify_center border_" />My song is a reimagining of what June might have said to the Ambassador.</p>HazyShade Productionstag:hazyshadeproductions.com,2005:Post/60665752020-01-07T19:21:04-05:002020-12-05T22:26:44-05:00The Muse is something strange<p>I already have a <a contents="travelogue" data-link-label="Travelogue" data-link-type="page" href="/travelogue" target="_blank">travelogue</a> - the irregularly maintained journal of Haze & Dacey’s travels, shows, and other adventures. But now I’m starting something more personal: a journal of my songwriting. I really wish I’d started this decades ago. But here we are; I’m staring in the face of turning half a century old. I can’t change the past, but I can start something new, right now, in the present. In this journal I will offer up lyrics as they are created. I will record songs in my living room and present them in their raw, newborn state. I will reminisce on songs I’ve written in the past, and tell you a little about what I was feeling or going through at the time. I might throw in some poems that never became songs.</p>
<p>The Muse is something strange; I don’t understand her at all. I feel more like a medium than a writer. I don’t know how a song originates. It filters through me and comes into being. It is part of me, but it is also something ethereal over which I have very little control. Sometimes a snippet of melody or a wisp of a lyric lingers in my head for months or years before it is ready to become a full song. Sometimes it all comes pouring out of nowhere, and is finished within a half hour. The most important thing for me to do, as a songwriter, is to give my Muse time and space to emerge; to put aside all the things I’m supposed to be doing, like washing dishes or shopping for groceries or calling my mother (sorry Mom), and devote some quiet time to listen to the music inside me, and let it out, and help it grow.</p>
<p>Since last January, I’ve been writing songs for a concept album to be titled “Letters from Gilead”. All the songs are inspired by “The Handmaid’s Tale”, both the original novel by Margaret Atwood, and the Hulu television series of the same name. So, there will be a lot about that in upcoming journal entries. But I might mix it up with completely unrelated songs, too. I don’t really have a plan, other than to contribute to this journal <strike>at least once a week</strike> whenever I feel inspired. If you have read this far… thank you. I like to think there are some people out there interested in what I have to say.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/391673/d6f511a68d93c40f3268a165ea51ae889ec37cbe/original/evening.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>(Photo credit: John Dacey)</p>HazyShade Productions